I have been paying for WordPress and this domain name for years now, and I’ve not updated this blog for nearly as many.
I actually forgot what it even looked like, until I got an email earlier (that I only saw tonight) from LiveJournal. Celebrating 20 years since I created my first post, or account, or something. Christ.
Well, the last 5 years have been dormant. Online, at least.
I don’t really like posting things online anymore. I don’t share things to social media. I don’t upload photos anywhere. I don’t tweet. I’ve never fallen for TikTok. I’m just old and grumpy, I guess?
I still consume. I still share memes and posts and content. I feed the algorithm. I just don’t feel the buzz anymore. Is it simply age and lifestyle changing? I’m not sure. Certainly there are people my age and older who are much more active on social channels who receive and enjoy various levels of engagement. Why did I stop?
I suppose I had been fizzing out for a while already. I do feel a bit sad about it, in a selfish, narcissistic way.
Quick status: Still in Estonia. One more kid. Same workplace, but have moved around between teams and through the ranks. Still involved in rugby but not playing as much as I would like. Managed to play a couple of matches for Estonian national team. Pretty pleased about that. We lost convincingly each time. Future looks bright though, new blood coming through, experienced coaches hanging around, new torchbearers pushing forward. Age going up and free time going down. Time impacted by work and by new nearly-two-year-old. Same apartment. Bought a summer house in Haapsalu. Hair has lost any real sense of red. I’m 40. Bought a car a few years ago. Station wagon, still going strong. Been back to Australia a few times. Family have visited here a few times. No close family have died. Yet. Still going to the gym, but can tell time is not really on my side any more when it comes to gains. Will just blame the diet, instead.
How the fuck did I manage to go through 2 years of COVID, and a few lockdowns, without being bored and/or drunk enough to update this? Fascinating.
I bought a new PC over here in December 2018. It’s still running on the same install of Windows now, and I’ve never had to touch anything inside of it. Seems to be getting a little unstable but I’m going to persevere until it breaks me. Good bargain.
I wonder if my 4 remaining livejournal friends are still kicking about. My “old life” contacts are pretty much restrained to Discord, a WhatsApp chat group, and maybe a handful of Telegram, Facebook Messenger and WhatsApp private chats.
I really miss web 1.5. Modern internet is so centralised that it sucks and it feels like “non-mainstream” sites now only exist really for fetishes and freaks. I suppose they always did, somewhat. It’s just that nowadays it feels more blatant and single purpose. The feeling of wonder and excitement from days long gone is sorely absent. When’s the last time anyone stumbled upon a random website and said “wow I need to bookmark this”? Even RSS feeds died off.
Apologies for a very moaning post. Obviously I don’t like to share anything too specifically personal here. Which is appallingly ironic since it’s a website dedicated to me and my stories. I’m just scared of the Internet these days, I guess. The only way to be forgotten online is… well, I’m not even sure.
Then again, perhaps I don’t really want to be forgotten anyway. Not yet.