April Fool

For the whole month, it seems.

I’m quite bored. No games are holding my interest, no job opportunities to earn money from and no desire to go out drinking or anywhere else. I have a lack of appetite, become horribly unfit, unhygenic and frankly uninspired. I’m feeling irritable for no real reason other than what I assume to be my subconscious protesting against the rut that I’ve slid into. The only positives are that I’ve been driving a little bit more (wow…) and that I’m not gaining any weight (but a lot of muscle has atrophied).

It’s not that I’m having a hard time, it’s that I feel like I have absolutely nothing to do. I should study more Estonian, read more books and force myself to exercise, but I’m too comfortable wallowing in my own apathy.

Poker has been a joke this month – mostly due to my mental state, I believe. I’m consciously making an effort to improve in that area, but why not in others? I don’t know. Maybe I find it more challenging.

Marika’s busy studying for her exams. I hope she passes. I feel pretty lousy because my mental downswing has nothing to do with how she’s behaving (it’s just me), yet I’m sure I’m putting out weird vibes that are affecting her. She’s still being her delightful self as usual, thankfully. She also seems to be coping well under the pressure to simultaneously complete her bachelor’s work and cram for exams. Perhaps it has something to do with leaving her favourite song of the month on permanent loop (or maybe that’s why I’m in a sour state).

I think part of my mood is due to feeling rather… isolated. There’s not really a lot for me to do here and I feel kind of excluded from a lot of things due to my lack of Estonian fluency and being a foreigner who finished school years ago. Sure, our flatmates and local friends are nice and I like them but something seems to be missing. Some kind of common ground. I’m looking forward to moving back to Tallinn for a few months and I’m also looking forward to returning home. I don’t think home will be particularly exciting, I’m just getting nostalgic. I’m concerned Marika will have a similar experience in Australia to my current one. I will need to find a way to remedy that if it occurs.

I’ve lost contact with a lot of friends from Australia or they’ve moved elsewhere, so the social side of life will be a challenge. I still don’t know what I’ll actually do when I get back. I’ll probably have to just go with the flow. Like always.

Well, don’t I sound like a lot of fun to know?

On a lighter note, here’s a list of things beginning with “I”:

  • I’ve begun reading the Dune series (yet again). I’m still not very far into the first book (yet again).
  • I’m also reading Darkly Dreaming of Dexter and have had more progress due to keeping it in ebook form on my phone.
  • I powered through the entire series to date of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia with Marika in about a week. We both enjoyed it.
  • I watched the first episode of TV series, Rome, last night. I intend to watch the rest, although I find the British accents on Roman characters distracting.
  • I’m trying to sit through all the classic western movies. I’ve only gone through about 3 or 4.
  • I’m swearing off all store-bought beers except Walter. It’s cheap, reasonably tasty and effective.
  • I can’t think of anything else worth writing.

Slow slow slow

It’s really frustrating having a 100/100 seedbox when your home connection downloads at 1.

Tomorrow we are having a homebrew party. Tonight we have a case of Budvar that was brought back from Czech for us.

Tonight we are watching a show about homeless people before what I can only imagine will be a pleasant screening of Lightning Jack.

Life is alright. Thanks for your attention.

New stuff

So, I’ve been back in the big smoke working at Viru for the past few weeks. Folding bedsheets is tranquil; going to Diletantide Avantgarde (or however it’s spelt) was bad this time, but we snuck in so it wasn’t extra disappointing; Christmas was fun and small but involved a lot of vodka and a visit from Santa; learning Estonian from my exercise book began well and is becoming more challenging; Avatar was pretty but boring; New Year’s was full of fish at a wedding and a late attempt to see fireworks; the last few days has seen my old faithful laptop of the last 3 years fall over on itself.

Now I have a new one.

I have a lot of shit to re-setup. Fun.

Old and new

Ross leaves now for Los Angeles to become an acting star. He hopes. I hope so too, then I can dream about being in his entourage.

My copy of the new Wolfenstein game arrived today! Yay! The single player is quite well made albeit a little generic apart from the veil powers. I’m more interested in the multiplayer although I doubt I’ll be too competitive at it compared to how I used to be. Still, it’s nice having a copy to muck around with.

I came second in a free poker tournament tonight. By the time it was down to the final two of us we’d had enough and went all-in after about 10 rounds of checking and folding. I lost. No big deal, I got lots of play chips in prize money! Wahoo!

I haven’t been to the gym for a while. I know that hardly sounds shocking but the thought of it is nagging me in the back of my head. I might attempt to make the effort tomorrow. I’m probably going back down south with Marika in a week for a few days so I’m tentative about paying for a whole new month. That’s a poor excuse though, really, as I can quite easily skip exercise for up to a whole week. This lazy lifestyle will have to change some day.

Looks like Tim and I are moving out of our flat come the end of October. I don’t know what he’s doing yet and neither does he. I’ll probably be living with Marika and her student buddies in some tiny little room. Ah well. At least it will be cheap. I suppose I could just become a poker king… Meh. We’ll see.

I watched District 9 recently and really enjoyed it although the ending was a bit cliche. If you like science fiction you would probably enjoy this film. It’s hit #35 on IMDb’s top 250 somehow. I mean, it’s good, but I don’t know if it’s that good. I think it’s been somewhat over-rewarded for producing a solid movie alongside a clever viral marketing campaign, kind of like The Dark Knight did last year. I mean, #8 (for a while it was at #2 or #3) of all time? Batman? Really?

I wish I could talk about the latest book I’ve read but unfortunately I’ve been skimping in that department even more than my exercise. My eyes hurt.

This would be dole bludging; if I was getting paid for it

Hello, dear reader. I’m sure you’ve noticed my absence of late. Not to worry! I’m only being extraordinarily lazy. Yes, even by my standards.

I’ve been spending time in Tartu for the last week-and-a-half. Mostly in my underwear but sometimes I wear a pair of shorts and a wifebeater singlet. It’s very comfortable. The days are flying by and I’m not really doing anything but the random bit of exercise and spending money irresponsibly. In fact, the only “decent” thing I’ve done is attempt to mail a painting made by Marika and myself to my mother. I’m sure she’ll think it’s crap but as a result of her long-suffering separation anguish it’ll probably be mounted over a fireplace or something.

Tomorrow afternoon I’m going back to Tallinn for the weekend. Little Liisu is having her first birthday! I hope there are streamers. Of course there won’t be, but still.

Crank II is out but I’m yet to see it. Hopefully I can rally up a gang to see it this weekend in Tallinn. I’ve been excited about the release of this film for a long time now. Here’s hoping it’s at least half as a fun as the original.

Yesterday I had a lot of things in my head that I wanted to write about, now I can’t think of them at all. I will blame all the water pipe abuse I have been partaking in.

Mr Manager?

I’m hacking the Gibson at the moment when it comes to optimising bed sales for the hostel.

Well, I can pretend I am. To be honest I’m not sure if any of it will work. Actually, I’m going to wipe a lot of the stuff I did today and start again tomorrow. I’ve got a new idea.

Yes, I watched Hackers today. It was woeful. Funny, but woeful. I was also disappointed that the scene of Angelina Jolie completely topless didn’t appear, as at least that would have made the 100 minutes I spent watching it feel more worthwhile to my loins. Maybe I’m thinking of the wrong film? An unfiltered Google search suggests otherwise, though.

I’m too lazy to play games at the moment. Just the effort of paying attention sounds too hard. How depressing can I possibly get? Honestly?

Well, it’s not so bad. I reinstalled Neverwinter Nights 2 along with its expansions and am now waiting for an opportunity to play it co-operatively with dozer and tofu. It’s a bit difficult when we are in timezones 9 hours apart, but I’m sure we’ll get a chance eventually. At least for a few minutes.

That’s what I’ll be doing in the meantime until January 22nd. That’s the day that Darkfall is meant to release it’s open beta… Of course, they’re only going to allow a certain amount of people into it, which kind of kills the point of it being “open”, but who knows? I might be lucky.

Otherwise, I think it’s scheduled for a release on February 25th. That’s too far ahead to imagine and I’m already feeling old. I can wait for my birthday to come later this month…

I wish my laptop didn’t get so hot on the underside. It nearly burns my leg. It’s a shame it isn’t a nice, warm and fuzzy temperature, as that would be dandy during the winter. I suppose I could just wear slippers instead, but fuck it.

(Lack of) personality update

Nice essay saying how precious I am.

So, I’m not doing night shift now. Thanks, Laura, for coming back early.

Tonight is strange, all the guests got drunk around 8pm then went out for about 2 hours. Now they’re all watching movies. It’s Saturday night. Weird.

It’s nearly full here, actually. The last Saturday before Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas, I have to do some fucking shopping. Argh. Argh! I haven’t even been paid for about 6 weeks. Actually, I’ve been putting my own cash back into the register just so we have enough change for all these bastards that are paying with big notes. It doesn’t help that the staff keep paying themselves all the small change, either.

I’ve been hitting up the gym again lately. Even been doing some cardio. I went earlier today and still haven’t showered. Oops. I will tomorrow, or something. Fresh and clean to face the day! Wowee. I can’t wait.

I watched Låt den rätte komma in (Let the right one in) the other day. Very good and charming, for a vampire film. Apparently it’s going to have an American equivalent released next year by the same director that brought us Cloverfield. Whee?

Today was the day I finally purchased some cocoa. It tasted very nice with milk.


I had dinner at African Kitchen last night as a pre-celebration of Barack Obama winning the U.S. election. The mango smoothie was delicious.

I’ve started going back to the gym, but I really want to do a proper program. Apparently the 5×5 program is a good one to follow. Too bad I don’t actually have a proper life or schedule, so I find it difficult to stick to proper diets/training patterns. I suppose I could if I really wanted to… I’m just lazy.

Regardless, feels good to be going again. I’ll try to go today as well.

We’ve been watching the Star Wars saga over the last few days. Episodes 1, 2 and 3 are now under the belt with 4, 5 and 6 to come over the next few days. I’m looking forward to watching the older ones. Nostalgia is important.

Soon we’ll be watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I can’t wait for the onslaught of homoerotic themes.

I hope to take a widdle holiday soon. Palun. I’d like to visit some other towns around here on my own, but they’re all going to be in off-season. That wouldn’t normally be a big problem, but off-season over here in small towns really is off-season. At least from what I have heard. Still, maybe it’d be nice to wait until it’s snowing everywhere before I go check some places out. I found my gloves the other day so it’s a possibility.

It’s a little quieter here as well, which is good. Not for profit but for serenity. Our collective mental health is regaining, slowly.

Someone give me a good recipe to try.


The cops just came down our street with a megaphone telling everyone in front of Levist to bugger off. I haven’t seen that before. Awesome. It’s crazy out there.

It was crazy in here too, with some fine gents bringing two very attractive women (definitely too attractive, clean and well dressed for anyone sleeping in a dorm) back at 5 AM. They could have gotten away with it if they weren’t stupid enough to storm in and wake me up while I was sleeping on the couch (that wasn’t meant to sound like Scooby Doo, honestly). I had to chase them up the stairs and kick them out, after they lied saying that they were staying here. Yeah, right. Not with those shoes, lady.

Last night another fine gent (why are they always British? Oh, I think I know…) decided to keep me awake with his friend for a few hours in the early morning before passing out on the couch. That wouldn’t have been so bad if he didn’t then lean over and vomit all over the floor, again waking me up. I think I’m sleeping on an unlucky couch or something. It’s always uncomfortable and every time I lie down on it something goes to shit.

I haven’t bothered uploading any photos of my hair yet. Fuck it. There are some and they will come, but not for a bit.

The Viljandi folk festival was very cool. I took a 4 day pass and bought Marika one for her birthday, too. Lots of us went together and most of us camped outside, some at the grounds and some at Kea’s house a bit out from the centre.

The weather was perfect and my wallet became empty very quickly. It took me 3 days to recover from my trip to the gym the morning that we left. I could barely sit down or move I was so stiff and sore. At least if I can survive sleeping in a tent with a body that sore I know I should be able to cope as an old man.

Overall it was good fun! I did miss the old free stage, though. It’s pretty clear they want to stop all the drunk, poor kiddies from fart-arsing around and leaving garbage everywhere. Rumour has it that there won’t even be any alcohol served next year.

We decided to stay until Monday and then Pilly and I would take the train back. Sunday night was our big barbecue night and somehow I ended up having to take care of most of it. How impressive. The next day everyone else hitchhiked or took the bus in impatience, apart from Eagle 8. We met her by chance at the train station and she gave us some wine, so we vegged out on the couch until we pulled into town 2 and a half hours later.

Since I got back it’s been pretty good here. I even saw Wanted and the new Batman, The Dark Knight. One is better than the other, so clearly Morgan Freeman isn’t the difference. They’re both good in their own ways, too. Still, Batman is very over-hyped but it’s mostly coherent, Wanted is just cool to watch but the story is… well, even for a stylised comic book action movie it doesn’t make sense.

I have a big happy belly from all the festival food. Oops. Gym tomorrow, if I can stay awake.

Teary corner

We’ve been getting so many mixed reviews at the moment that it’s doing my head in. To make it worse, people staying here that I know have had a blast aren’t leaving reviews, so it makes things even worse. I’m not sure what I’m meant to do to fix it, either.

It feels fucking hard for me, at the moment. There probably isn’t much anyone can do about it, though.

Unfortunately it just seems to be one of those times where I’ve got plenty of shit on my mind and only a fraction of them are positive.

So, instead, let’s talk about the new Incredible Hulk movie. It’s good. Very different to the first movie (which I actually enjoyed) and overall it did a great fan service with its little nods and winks to readers of the comics. The Avengers tie-in, similar to Iron Man also helped develop a decent bit of saliva. The only thing I didn’t like was Hulk’s lack of strength increase in proportion to his rage, although I realise it probably would have fucked up the plot if it occurred.

I’ve been on a bit of a revived comic binge of late, due to all these lovely movies coming out. I could list them off, but no one would give a shit.

After months of deliberation I finally picked up a few blank DVDs in order to boost up our movie selection. People probably won’t want to watch some of the movies I’ve picked up, but fuck them. I made a crowd pleasing one, kind of. Well, I will. Or something.

So, I watched True Romance (I can’t believe I hadn’t seen it before, although I did know of it. Alabama reminds me too much of Marika, whether or that’s a good or bad thing I don’t know), The Prestige (ok but I believe it to be very overrated), Raging Bull (I’m sure it had more of an impact when it was created, but it just reminded me of Rocky with better acting and worse fights), Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs (cute but still has nothing on the show). I still haven’t put on Arrested Development yet. Fuck, no one’s even seen it. Jesus.

Before anyone jumps in on it, yes, I got the movies. I guess I just get more critical about dramas or character-driven plots or something because I don’t actually care too much about other peoples problems. It’s just a simple lack of sympathy and empathy. Tough shit. I’ve got enough to worry about without having to get emotionally involved with fictional characters for 2 hours.

I’m meant to get up soon. I don’t want to. Waah.