53w

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So close. 53 weeks since my last post. I should have set a calendar reminder. Alas, only serendipity brought me here.

Nothing has really changed in the last 12+1/4 months. Same job. More or less same friends. No big life derails. Yet. I’m feeling too old and too lucky and too fatalistic to be comfortable with getting away with it for so long. Not wishing for anything, of course, but I suppose I’m biding my time… or laying in ambush.

Then again, to ambush suggests I’m the one in control. Usually I’m not.

Family is well. My kids are great. My dear wife is great. They all seem much more focused and driven and stubborn than me. Generally I feel like I’m coasting along, here for the ride. I don’t really mind… I guess I have everything I ever needed or wanted and feel pretty content. Feels a little bittersweet, really. Am I just lazy? Should I be more driven? If so, towards what?

I guess if there’s anything left I care about achieving it would be an early retirement. But then I’d get bored. Probably.

Still doing rugby. Trying to weasel away to the bench so I don’t have to train so hard or keep too fit. Seems to be working. Had the privilege to play some more international games as well. Still lost. Doesn’t matter, I feel proud.

Still enjoying the gym, although I’ve finally realised I don’t care about power lifting. Migrated to more hypertrophy. Less recovery required and I feel better. Now I just need to find the energy to get out of bed early enough on enough mornings to train.

I’m mostly over gaming, but every now and then something triggers an obsession. Currently it’s Uboat.

Late last year I signed up to Audible. Now I am grinding books instead of a handful of podcasts. I don’t really miss them, except some of the BBC 4 and ABC programs as they were pretty useful as news sources. Nowadays I listen to books which 90% of the time are fictional. Like the news, I guess.

Woah

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I have been paying for WordPress and this domain name for years now, and I’ve not updated this blog for nearly as many.

I actually forgot what it even looked like, until I got an email earlier (that I only saw tonight) from LiveJournal. Celebrating 20 years since I created my first post, or account, or something. Christ.

Well, the last 5 years have been dormant. Online, at least.

I don’t really like posting things online anymore. I don’t share things to social media. I don’t upload photos anywhere. I don’t tweet. I’ve never fallen for TikTok. I’m just old and grumpy, I guess?

I still consume. I still share memes and posts and content. I feed the algorithm. I just don’t feel the buzz anymore. Is it simply age and lifestyle changing? I’m not sure. Certainly there are people my age and older who are much more active on social channels who receive and enjoy various levels of engagement. Why did I stop?

I suppose I had been fizzing out for a while already. I do feel a bit sad about it, in a selfish, narcissistic way.

Quick status: Still in Estonia. One more kid. Same workplace, but have moved around between teams and through the ranks. Still involved in rugby but not playing as much as I would like. Managed to play a couple of matches for Estonian national team. Pretty pleased about that. We lost convincingly each time. Future looks bright though, new blood coming through, experienced coaches hanging around, new torchbearers pushing forward. Age going up and free time going down. Time impacted by work and by new nearly-two-year-old. Same apartment. Bought a summer house in Haapsalu. Hair has lost any real sense of red. I’m 40. Bought a car a few years ago. Station wagon, still going strong. Been back to Australia a few times. Family have visited here a few times. No close family have died. Yet. Still going to the gym, but can tell time is not really on my side any more when it comes to gains. Will just blame the diet, instead.

How the fuck did I manage to go through 2 years of COVID, and a few lockdowns, without being bored and/or drunk enough to update this? Fascinating.

I bought a new PC over here in December 2018. It’s still running on the same install of Windows now, and I’ve never had to touch anything inside of it. Seems to be getting a little unstable but I’m going to persevere until it breaks me. Good bargain.

I wonder if my 4 remaining livejournal friends are still kicking about. My “old life” contacts are pretty much restrained to Discord, a WhatsApp chat group, and maybe a handful of Telegram, Facebook Messenger and WhatsApp private chats.

I really miss web 1.5. Modern internet is so centralised that it sucks and it feels like “non-mainstream” sites now only exist really for fetishes and freaks. I suppose they always did, somewhat. It’s just that nowadays it feels more blatant and single purpose. The feeling of wonder and excitement from days long gone is sorely absent. When’s the last time anyone stumbled upon a random website and said “wow I need to bookmark this”? Even RSS feeds died off.

Apologies for a very moaning post. Obviously I don’t like to share anything too specifically personal here. Which is appallingly ironic since it’s a website dedicated to me and my stories. I’m just scared of the Internet these days, I guess. The only way to be forgotten online is… well, I’m not even sure.

Then again, perhaps I don’t really want to be forgotten anyway. Not yet.

Live

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Keep letting this slip. As usual.

Living in Estonia now. Everything sorted. I’m working. Wife working. Daycare working. Flat is good. Bills are getting paid. Everyone is happy at the moment.

Rugby going ok. Semi final tomorrow. Feeling confident. Still playing tighthead. HRC in Helsinki. We blew our chance to finish the regular season in first place, by 1 try and 3 points. Came third overall. Best +- points differential in the league though. Let’s try to take the championship though.

Gym had to drop back because of rugby. From 4 to 2 days a week, with a sneaky extra session sometimes if we had a bye. Lost some strength, but have sustained most of it pretty well. Looking forward to off season lifting.

Sleep time. Will make a mental note to update more.

Quick gym update

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Pretty pleased with myself so I thought I’d record it.

Started going to the gym in mid June. Body was pretty weak, and I’m kind of old now, but hey. Gym + rugby in mid thirties after not exercising “seriously” for about 16-17 years… why not?

I’ve been hitting it hard though, usually 3-4 times a week. Really enjoying the “noob gains” on linear progression and seeing the transformation.

Managed to hit 3 personal records today for the final session of the year. Wanted to hit the 1000lbs club (or 450kg) for combined totals on squat, dead lift and bench. Managed to get 1012lbs (460kg)! So that was cool.

150kg squat: Plan was to go for 140kg, but that felt really good. Pumped it to 145kg then 150kg and still felt good. Wanted to go for 160kg but decided to spare myself this time and stay on goal. Doing low bar squats are so much easier for me and my lack of flexibility.

200kg deadlift: Plan was to go for 210kg. First attempt my eyes nearly popped out of my head. Dropped to 200kg. Similar result. Dropped to 180kg and managed to hit that (was doing 175kg for 3 reps last week). Raised to 190kg, hit that. Raised back to 200kg. Hit that. Not sure if it was a warm up thing or just psychological. Probably both. Was glad to put 10kg on the squat goal because I dropped 10kg on the deadlift goal.

110kg bench: Plan was to go for 105kg. Went for 105kg and hit it first go. Felt ok. Decided to up to 110kg because it’s a nice number. Made that up without too much stress. Left arm is still a bit weaker. I feel I could probably pop out 115kg for one next time, maybe 120kg with a spotter. I wanted to finish on a high though so I just left it at 110kg.

My celebration was to get a chicken kebab with the lot and a beer.

More general update can come in the new year. Happy new year!

Tere

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Life in general has been very very ok. I left my job back at the end of March and have really enjoyed all the free time I’ve had since. Who wouldn’t?

I started jogging a few times a week and was showing gradual improvement, was doing some weights in the garage, a bit of P90X on the side and even 10-12 minutes of “decent quality” skipping each session. I think it all helped a bit but I wasn’t really seeing big results for the two months I was doing it. Having a bad diet is probably the major reason why.

I also started going through some programming tutorials. I have always enjoyed tinkering with programming but never really stayed up to date or even committed to it as a hobby. I have some little ideas I’d like to try out, mostly for fun but if they’re any good maybe for a little money. I also figure that if I want to get some more work in IT in general it can’t hurt to brush up on my coding experience. Sadly I fell into a common trap for me which is to get too caught up going through tutorials and not spending enough time practising and experimenting on my own. I think I’m a bit scared my ideas will demoralise me when I discover they are inevitably more difficult to create than I anticipated. Still, there’s only one real way to progress, I guess.

Then it was June.

Our little family of three flew out to Tallinn via Singapore and Helsinki, as we often do. This time we decided to stop over in Singapore for 2 nights, primarily to give us all a chance to sleep after the “short” 8 hour flight and mentally prepare for the 14 hours of travel coming up. It’s worth it with a toddler, for everyone’s sanity. We stayed in the airport hotel, which was a great decision. Singapore airport is a fair way from the downtown area and we didn’t really want to lug a sleepy, cranky baby that far after the flight. The hotel was pretty deluxe, for us at least, and it made everything simpler. We booked it for our return flight, so there’s the proof in the pudding.

I’ve only been outside Singapore airport once before and that was in maybe 2003 or 2004. I may have even mentioned it on here. Let’s see… Yes, 2004. Fuck, I’ve had this thing a while now. Anyway, it’s still 40°C and 300% humidity there. I thought I was struggling but then I saw how sweaty our kid was and I just felt bad for them. So, I think we’ll just hang around the hotel pool this time.

We survived the trip to Helsinki primarily due to our sound decision to purchase “comfort economy” seats. It’s amazing what an extra 15cm of leg room can do on a plane. It also helps that Finnair have new planes. Finally. Finnally? I’ll pay for that option every time from now on.

Estonian summer was not bad. Perhaps a little cold. We stayed in an Airbnb through June. Cute place.

In July we moved into our new apartment. Woohoo. A nice big one. We’ve been splashing out on decor and kitchens and all those things. It’s nearly complete. It looks good.

So yes, we’re moving here to live. I even got my residency visa sorted out in August. Just in time, because my holiday visa was due to expire after another week. A bit of back and forth with immigration and forms and some stress and phonecalls and meetings and boom… Pink card.

Now we’re here until November. 5 months. Long stay. I’ve been keeping busy by working in the bar from time to time, going to the gym 3 days a week and playing rugby for the local team. I’ve lost 7kg since we arrived, which is nice. I’m really enjoying the gym as I’m making steady progress and after an initial period of crippling pain, I’m loving rugby again.

It took a few weeks for my body to adapt to the physical contact/abuse but now I can actually move about the day after a match. We’ve won the minor premiership on debut in the Finnish league we joined. The semis and hopefully grand final will be coming up at the end of September. Go Kalev!

I’ve even scored a try this season. That means no nudie runs. Phew.

Change of plans

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I resigned from work two weeks ago. I have 8 work days remaining. Nearly made 7 years. Wouldn’t have happened without my roles shifting through the organisation over time… So that’s good.

It’s not officially announced yet but I suspect half the staff already know. Quite a few people have all left at the same time. I’ve been holding off as long as I could but I felt the time had come.

So, what now?

Well, concrete plans are to head overseas for 3 months again. Estonia via Singapore. Splitting the flights apart should hopefully make things more tolerable with the bub.

We’re also looking into picking up a property in Tallinn to eventually move into. We’ve found one we like. Family on both sides are doing their part to help us arrange it, which is lovely.

No set date to migrate. Probably procreate once more first. Likely due next year. Hopefully not too far away, as I’m getting old and I also don’t want the age gap between the two sprogs to be too great.

Loose plans are to study and practise programming. Update CV. Try to make some little applications. Study Estonian. Do temp/contract work when we return. Enjoy family reunion around Christmas.

Doing this on mobile sucks.

Not a leap year but maybe I will anyway

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Good afternoon.

We’re in the middle of planning a new life overseas. Marika’s going berserk investigating new apartments and interior designs. We’ve found one place we’re very keen on. Whether we can get it is another matter. Time will tell. Hopefully soon.

Since we’re going back to Tallinn this year (on holiday) and we want some more free time either side of that trip I decided to resign from my job. It was a bit awkward, as I don’t leave jobs very often, so I’m not that familiar with my approach. Either way, it’s done now. I have just under 4 weeks remaining and then I suppose I’ll have to finally update my CV.

It’s been a long stint at this employer, but I think I’ll go more into that when I’m fully out.

Apart from that, well, we’ve moved back to my parents’ house to save money. It also gives them more time to spend with their grandchild, so that’s nice. We haven’t quite been able to abuse the live-in babysitter option yet but there’s still time to make amends.

I’m keen to try my hand at some webdev and even some more gamedev. I tinkered with it last year but couldn’t stick with it. I have some little ideas that I’d like to turn into projects for fun and learning. I may even be able to apply some of those new skills to a future job, depending on what sectors I look into. I think if I can stick with it and get over the initial learning up I’ll probably enjoy it. I may need more screens though… we’ll see.

Speaking of screens, I recently purchased one of these USB powered, portable monitors from Amazon. It arrived after about a week or so and works brilliantly. I haven’t tried cramming it into my laptop bag yet but that’s my next mission. I’m sure it won’t fit and then I’ll be sad.

New look

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Special super-duper bonus twice-in-a-day post coming up!

I [significantly] changed the theme for the first time in about 10 years, or something. Basically ever since I started using WordPress. The old classic “White as Milk” theme I had is no longer de rigueur, so it had to go. It had a good life. Unfortunately the latest web themes, formats and horizontal span have left its design behind… it also doesn’t help that it’s been unsupported forever.

Anyway, here we are.

Carry on!

Foxtold

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Hello, dear readers. I hope you’ve missed me. I felt in my heart a burning desire to jot down the latest. I’m not sure if you can actually be passionate about “jotting”… yet here we are.

I’m a bit thrown off by the latest WordPress blog entry UI. It’s minimalistic and contemporary, I suppose. It’s novel, it’s unique… but is it shithouse? Probably not, no.

I just cancelled our Foxtel subscription after 6-odd years of service. It went a little like this:

trumps-youre-fired

Except with better hair.

Since they’ve slashed their prices after Netflix came out in Australia it hasn’t really been too big of a hole being burnt into my wallet. As I’m unable to get both the “iQ” and the “HD” options though it means I can’t record anything and the resolution looks like shit anyway. Dropped.

Speaking of dropped, my laptop has returned from Dell today. I’m yet to unbox it and check its performance. Basically the power from the charger kept dropping out whenever the graphics card was in use. Long, boring story but it involved accidentally having my laptop sent to Perth instead of Lidcombe after it was lost in the mail for a week. Then getting it back in a busted up cardboard box. Let’s hope it works. Or let’s hope it doesn’t work, then I can push for a refund or outright replacement. 4 warranty calls in 4 months isn’t much fun.

Baby is walking and babble-talking now. Pretty cute. Getting big muscles and teeth. Sounds like I’m talking about a thoroughbred or something. Speaking of, I should have bet more on the Melbourne Cup last year. Deane gave me some hot tips and one that was practically a gimme. Too bad I was just playing with change. My sports bet account is a little fatter now, though.

I’m going to try and teach myself some programming again. I dabbled in some gamedev stuff earlier in 2016 and didn’t mind it. I didn’t dedicate a whole lot of time to it though. I should. I’m also keen to learn some other languages and create some apps. Yes, I now sound like one of “those guys”.  However, I’ve always liked doing that kind of stuff. I just never give it more than half a crack. Maybe it’s time?

It definitely won’t really happen with our current home lifestyle though. Evenings disappear in a puff of cleaning and feeding and cooking and sometimes a bit of wine. Then it’s 10pm and I don’t want to concentrate on learning or developing new skills. Then it’s the weekend and I want to unwind. A vicious cycle of non-progress. At least I’ve started some basic exercising again.

That’s right. I’m crawling up the slippery slope that is dad-bod-ism. I dunno if I ever really had a dad bod. I’m probably too big in general to be considered that body shape. I tend to just get boobs and a spare tyre, but all combined it’s simply too impressive to be cute. So, back to wearing headbands and sweating all over the yoga mat I’ve laid out in the bedroom. It was easier when the baby’s room was just a spare room. At least it was easy to move around in there. Doing dips off the side of an IKEA bed doesn’t quite feel right.

Looking forward to finding a way to head overseas again this year. A few destinations on the shortlist. We haven’t cross checked that with our budget yet. Might put that off for a while and let the dreams prosper a bit longer.

Just realised that because I’m resculpting the dad bod I will be able to fit into old clothes again (that I’ve had for about 11 years) but my latest business attire won’t fit properly. Is it easy to take in trousers?

It’s nearly another year.

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Hi.

Baby is almost 12 months old now. Big baby.

We went overseas for 3 months. Big holiday. In Estonia.

Work hasn’t changed much. Marika doesn’t work now though. No one does anymore, in her office at least.

Exercise is non-existent. Baby impacted routine too much. Can’t successfully adjust it without ruining the fun for Marika.

Eyebrows are getting bushier. Ears are getting hairier.

Baby may be blonde and left handed. Maybe.

We really enjoy having a combo slow cooker/pressure cooker. It’s a quality of life improvement.